Year Zero

April 23, 2010

It was the years of cooties. We ran around, played tag, four square and handball. It was unacceptable to start liking a member of the other sex because of social norms and teasing. She stood there before me, year after year, adorable, and pretty. She was my elementary school crush. For years, I followed the social norm and kept it inside me. I don’t remember exactly when I started liking her but she was in the back of my mind for many years all through elementary school and middle school. She had long black hair, big innocent eyes, dimples, and most of all, she had an amazing personality. She wasn’t part of the “cool” kids, as they usually were defined by the money their parents were willing to spend on them. She wasn’t ever under-dressed in a materialistic sense, but she dressed what she was comfortable in. She was nice to me, she was nice to all the other kids.

In the end, she was nothing more than an elementary school crush. This concludes elementary school and middle school. I never attempted a move, I never became aggressive, I never had her; but that’s okay.

Following middle school, was the summer transitioning middle school and high school. Over summer I was invited to a water fight. I knew a little over half of the participants, but there were a few I didn’t know. The water fight began…

To be continued-



Preface 2 – Me

April 12, 2010

This has also been copied to the About Me section.

Now, I can’t reveal who I really am, or this may get messy. I will be creating giving you an incomplete identity of me. First and foremost, my name: K Yomari, now you won’t ever be able to find who I really am because I’ve never used this alias before. I just want to emphasize that as much as I want to share these stories with you, I must maintain and respect the privacy of those involved.

We’ll do this via online survey style:

As of 04/12/2010:

Name: K Yomari
Nickname: N/A
Age: 21
Location: Somewhere in California
Gender: Male
Favorite color: Pink, Orange
Sexual orientation: Straight
Height: about 5’8
Weight: about 155
Nationality: American
Ethnicity: Taiwanese
Relationship Status: Single
College: Senior

Things about me:
Hobbies: Singing, Photography, Music, Hanging out with friends
Drink: Water, Alcohol, Juice
Fruits: Mangoes!, Bananas, Strawberries, just all fruit
Religion: Agnostic
Drugs and Alcohol: Yes and Yes
Music: Emo, love songs
Dramas: Korean and Taiwanese, sometimes Japanese
I grew up in a household where respect towards parents was extremely important. My parents got divorced when I was really young. I ended up living with my mother, grandmother and my siblings. All through out elementary school, my mother was abusive. After being reported to child services, she stopped beating us, and let us live our lives very laissez faire.

In 7th grade, I was socially weird, but I started thinking really deep about love and life. Some things I thought about were: what is the purpose of life? What is the purpose of love? Can people really love? Do the people (middle schoolers) around me really know what love is? When they form relationships, do they understand what they got themselves into and the consequences of their actions? When we live life, is it supposed to be for ourselves or for the greater good?
I pondered these questions for two years then…

In 9th grade, or freshman year of high school, I met a girl and we engaged in a very unique unofficial relationship. I could have sworn I was in love. Well, soon after a year, we drifted away and just stopped talking. There was no fighting, no anger, no resentment, just awkwardness. For the next 3 years, I fell hard into an emo state wondering what I did wrong and what was the purpose of life without love. I again returned to questioning life and love. I soon had an idealized view of love, and a very emo view of life.

Love in today’s world is not really love, but a quick interaction of fulfilling shallow acceptance. Love should be loyal, unconditional and unselfish. How can two people who are in love, separate, and become so full of hate for each other? How can it be when two people are in love, one ends up with feelings for another, then jealousy ensues. When I see couples break up in these ways, I have a feeling they were never really in love. Instead they were looking for a way to selfishly satisfy their own needs. Ultimately, when you love somebody, you live for the sake of her happiness. Her happiness is my happiness, regardless if she has chosen me or not. I can only work toward being there for her when she needs me, I can only work toward being unconditionally loyal to her regardless of how much her heart and mind fluctuate. This love isn’t about me, but about her, and although she may not understand or have the same views, I can only do my part the best I can.

Life is something we will never understand. Our existence is always being questioned. We cannot dwell in the past forever. We cannot assume there will always be a future. We can only live now. Life life to the fullest, live each day as if it were your last. If tomorrow were to not come, it’s okay, we must accept what we cannot control.

Now that you know a little about me, I will begin my first chapter with my 9th grade love. There was no drama involved there, but its probably the best place to start. Well I’m not sure if there was drama, just no love triangles or anything. Anyway, just a good place to start.


Feel free to send in suggestions about any information I should include about myself. I will take them into consideration.


April 12, 2010

It’s me the writer of this to be blog. I have been convinced by a friend to tell my story. I’m a chivalrous guy who tends to be poisonous to other people relationships. Not on purpose, but unintentionally. This creates often times misunderstandings, love triangles, heartbreak or awkward situations. Either way, I’m here to share these stories with you, and they will soon catch up to date and I will write as my life drama continues. To protect the identity of these people, I may or may not use real names.

I know, you guys don’t know me yet, but it’s late and I have class tomorrow. I will write chapter one tomorrow. Chapter one will be getting to know me. Or I might call it a preface 2. We’ll see. But this is just to let you know about this blog.

This blog is based on a true story, on my life. Stories will not be exaggerated nor will they be told any other way. Although this is a recollection and my memory isn’t the greatest, I will try my best to include all necessary information.

This blog will take time to get going, but I really appreciate your patience.